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Sepia

Malaysian Boys Resist a Homophobic World Through Femininity In This Photo Project

By NICOLE FONG

‘BOYS’ is a series of photos launched in February that features Malaysian boys exploring the fluid nature of sexuality and gender through their feminity. You may recognise a few faces as some of them are Malaysian’s up and coming drag queens, such as Cik Teh Botol, Kumela Kumslut, Hellis Hot and other equally talented, openly queer artists. I spoke to Daniel Adams, the Malaysian conceptual portrait photographer behind the project to find out more about it. Some of the answers were edited for length and clarity.

1. What inspired you to do the ‘BOYS’ photo series?

Daniel Adams: I have always enjoyed photographing boys in a more feminine manner, exploring sexuality & gender in its most fluid form. I wanted to shoot a series of images focusing on gay individuals in KL, celebrating their creativity and giving them a chance to express themselves through this platform. 

2. Which communities do you identify with and what do they mean to you?

The LGBTQ+ community holds an important place in my heart. I have been surrounded by the community for years, here as well as in England whilst I was at university and there is only love that resonates from the people that I have met. I’m more than fed up of the discrimination and the abuse that the community faces, especially in Malaysia. Every individual should be able to express their gender/sexuality freely without having to live in fear of what might happen to them.

 
 
 
 
 
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3. Besides sexuality, you’ve previously explored issues like disability, racism, colourism. What compels you to respond to social issues in your work?

(Editors note: Daniel has also created other powerful and provocative visual series, “An Unconventional Standard” and “Dark Skin Is…”, which explore the issues of disability, colourism, and racism.) 

I started out creating art based on the everyday. But as time moved on, I began to understand how diverse and powerful a medium like photography was in creating awareness and educating individuals. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love creating work that doesn’t necessarily have a meaning behind it and that focuses on aesthetics. However, creating work with a social/political agenda behind it, that allows for the audience to learn more about the individuals photographed or what they go through, is something that gives meaning to what I do. I want to be able to make a difference, even if it’s a small difference, it’s a start to what could become something bigger.

4. What are the reactions that you get from the people that you know, and the ones that you don’t, such as online followers? 

The people that follow me and the people who I surround myself with only ever have positive feedback on my work. They’re open-minded and support the stuff that I do, and I’m incredibly thankful for that because it is EXHAUSTING having to deal with trolls and hate comments so often.

Having said that, my following is not an accurate representation of the mentality of average Malaysians. The only time I have seen negative feedback is when it’s related to LGBTQ+ community. It may be a heated argument, BUT at least it is still a discussion being had. It’s better to have people talking about it than have the issue hidden away.

 
 
 
 
 
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5. What is the relationship you have between you and your participants/subjects? What is it like to work with them?

Majority of the individuals in the BOYS series are my friends, but they are all people I have met before or spoken to prior to meeting them for this shoot. It’s a huge collaboration between myself, the participants and the makeup artists. I let them express their creativity and if there were any small tweaks, I’d let them know. I’m a very ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy when it comes to my own projects, I want to see where things go based on the atmosphere and the ambience of the shoot.

6. What do you think of the laws or issues in Malaysia regarding space for LGBTQ+ representation andpand narratives?

I understand why they are there and why they are trying to enforce it. A large chunk of Malaysia is incredibly against the LGBTQ+ community and it is what they’ve grown up with. It comes from what they know. I don’t agree with the laws or the way that the LGBTQ+ community is treated in this country. People keep thinking that I am imposing my views with my work/thoughts because I look white. Malaysia is my country, I’m a proud Malaysian, born and bred and I’ll continue to advocate for what I believe in.

Without further ado, here are some beautiful shots from BOYS!


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BOYS ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I was blessed growing up and having a beautiful childhood with a Loving family. I remember the bullying started during primary school. Other kids would call me names and I never understood what all that meant. Until one day I found out what all those words meant. Knowing deep inside that that's who I really am, I felt like I was falling into a deep black hole. I realised that I'm gay when I was around 9 years old. I was terrified of what my family, friends and people would think of me. This was the moment where I felt and believed that I could be unloved. I remember praying every night to be straight, so I can wake up be happy and feel Loved again. School days were the toughest and loneliest times, not because I didn't have friends or of the bullies but because I was so unhappy and lost with myself, I didn't want to accept who I am and that end up turning me into a bully too. I couldn't tell my best friends at that time, the only people who knew about me were my online friends, they made me realised that I wasn't alone and the first time I felt Loved, understood and accepted for just being myself. Self acceptance was the toughest journey for me. It was a long, dark and lonely road. But everything changed when I knew of Lady Gaga, her artistry, music and messages gave me hope and made me brave and accept who I truly am. Through her I made amazing friends along the way who are now my family. I had to rebel to learn how to Love myself. I had Pink hair for 6 years (since 2013) despite my mum's disapproval but now it has become something so "normal" and I've become the gayest person and I LOVE IT! My Pink hair taught me to embrace my insecurities, my loneliness, ultimately it taught me to Love myself. I admit some days I don't feel so strong, but I'm so lucky and grateful for the people around me who Loves me unconditionally. My only wish is to give this Love to everyone. – Carlos (@carloskhu) • M: @carloskhu Assistant: @lobach___ MUA: @carloskhu Photographer: @danieladamsphotography

A post shared by Daniel Adams (@danieladamsphotography) on

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BOYS •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••High school was the most difficult time I had to sit through. From figuring out my sexuality and having to deal with the constant bullying I got from my classmates, and other personal issues. I’ve been called “pondan,” “faggot,” which in turn made me feel like an outcast. It was a lot to deal with that I fell into serious depression. It also affected me when I was in college thinking that I will be cast out. But I also started finding ways to accept myself, slowly but surely. I would find my solace in arcade games, spending countless of hours there alone. Accepting yourself as who you are is always the first step to loving you as you are, and that was when my journey started. But being ostracised by your own community was another obstacle I had to face. Racism/Colourism doesn’t just stop because you’re gay and that’s a prevalent issue in our community. One night at a gay bar, I was given a face of disgust by other gay men that was different from me, I immediately felt unwelcome and left. I couldn’t for the love of god go through the judgement that was passed on by those men. This of course didn’t stop me from going to LGBT-friendly bars in search of finding a community that is free from judgment. After a while, I found my spot in a very loving and diverse group of friends that I love so much and have never felt happier. “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you” – TJ (@teiaajman ) • M: @teiaajman Assistant: @lobach___ MUA: @vvnloll Photographer: @danieladamsphotography

A post shared by Daniel Adams (@danieladamsphotography) on

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BOYS ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Being queer scares me. At least the thought of it. Fortunate enough, i wasn’t a victim of bully but what if I was ? The thought itself frightens me. It has always been hurtful being told you have to do what boys do, being rejected or being told names that just couldn’t seemed to scrub of the back of my head. It isn’t pleasant. Later on, I found myself surrounded with the community. with their trust and support, They created a safe space for me to express and understand myself better. That’s when I’ve never felt more alive. Everyone deserves a chance to be themselves. So instead of turning out backs on each other, let’s help each other to create a better world for the future generations of queer individuals. I had that treatment growing up so it’s only fair that I give back to the community. – Win Shean (@winshean) • M: @winshean Assistant: @lobach___ MUA: @mandyleighhxo Photographer: @danieladamsphotography

A post shared by Daniel Adams (@danieladamsphotography) on

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BOYS ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I’ve always been the most feminine boy ever as far as I can remember and have always been bullied for it. At the time, I didn’t understand the reason behind the bullying and wasn’t affected by it much either. It really didn’t bother me when they called me names like “pondan” until it did. Fast forward to my college years, I started accepting myself and leaving toxic people behind (best choice I’ve ever made). Resorting to art and humor was few of the ways I coped with the constant reminder that my existence as a gay individual was not welcomed by the society.⠀ ⠀ Today, I am so grateful enough to be surrounded by queer people who uplift me in what I do, straight people who aren’t focused on my sexuality, but rather in my art, and I am filled with gratitude because of it. Sure, it’ll take time to unlearn all the homophobic sentiments that you were taught, but it takes no effort to be kind to another fellow human being.⠀ ⠀ At the end of the day,⠀ we all bleed the same color.⠀ (Except for me lah, mine is purple)⠀ ⠀ You pay for saman and taxes⠀ And I splurge on makeup and dresses⠀ ⠀ I’m here and I’m gay⠀ I’m queer and I’m here to stay⠀ You can try your hardest to erase me⠀ But good luck erasing a drag queen’s legacy. – Samuel (@samueleffron) • M: @samueleffron Assistant: @lobach___ MUA: @carmnrose Photographer: @danieladamsphotography

A post shared by Daniel Adams (@danieladamsphotography) on

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BOYS ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I was 17, and it was the morning after prom when I first came out to my two best friends. Since then, I’ve lived my truest life as a fully out gay Malaysian, from building a home with the greatest people I’ve ever met, to extending this family with other Malaysians through the art of drag and more recently coming out to my mother, a reality all too foreign from what I knew at 17. The trajectory I’ve been on has been one hell of a journey, and I’m honestly content with my life. At almost 22, I suddenly find myself on the verge of yet another chapter of self discovery. This time more difficult, but also a lot more reassuring. I’ve spent the last 4 years getting to know myself and now I shall do it all again coming out as gender queer. But that’s also made me realize the resentment and animosity society has for genderqueer/trans folks that exists even in our own community. But that, is a talk for another day. The fact that I can share so much of my life with the world makes me one of the few lucky ones. It makes me lucky enough to have a support system. Lucky enough to have financial security, and lucky enough to have a space to retreat to despite how scary the outside is. My liberation doesn’t just end with me. We are all deserving of space in this community regardless of our identity. When I exhume the experiences of fellow queer Malaysians, I see a tale of hope and perseverance, but I yearn for a future where we no longer have to fight in order to free ourselves from hate and discrimination. And I vow to make that yearning a reality. – Imran (@nafnlauss) • M: @nafnlauss Assistant: @lobach___ MUA: @ciktehbotol Photographer: @danieladamsphotography

A post shared by Daniel Adams (@danieladamsphotography) on

Follow @danieladamsphotography on Instagram to see the rest of the series and other projects featuring LGBTQ+ individuals such as “Love & Other Drags”, featuring Malaysian drag queens and “Trans Men of Malaysia”, featuring Malaysian trans men. 

Editors note: Daniel would like us to credit the people who have made this project possible. MUA: Khushboo, Vivien Loh, Mandy Lee // Assistant: Lobach // Models: Sam, Carlos, TJ, Win Shean, Hazlami, Adam, Imran, Thaaya, Peter, Jin Hong, Kevin, Asyraf


Nicole Fong is a data analyst, researcher and activist, who champions minority communities to fight against our capitalist, heteronormative, patriarchal, ableist, imperialist, white supremacist society in a bid to end all systems of oppression.